Paralyzed
by citysinger13
Summary: James has the looks, the charm, the popularity to get whatever he wants-or so he thinks. What happens when one girl turns this confident pop star's life upside down and teaches him some valuable lessons about image? James/OC, slight Lomille and Carlos/Stephanie. Rated T for possible language.
1. Chapter 1

**So I ran a poll on my profile page to find out what story to do next. And the result was actually a tie between two stories, this one (obviously) and one centered around Logan. I decided to do this one since I just finished up a Lomille, and I've never really worked with James and I'm really excited to do this idea! But keep going to my profile and voting for what story you want to see after **_**this **_**one. I love to hear you guys' opinions, because you're the reason I do this! Yay!**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Big Time Rush or any of its characters.**

"And one and two and three and four and jump, jump, jump, jump, five and six." Kendall, Carlos, and James all tried their best to ignore Logan as they walked back up to the Palm Woods after being dropped off from a long day of dance rehearsals. They looked at their best friend, who was still reciting the moves they had learned that day, over and over and over and…

"Hey!" Kendall finally broke in, trying his hardest to sound pleasant. Logan stopped and looked at him. "So, Logan, you know that we love you and everything, but could you…oh I don't know…_shut up_?" James and Carlos both agreed immediately and Logan flushed a bright shade of crimson.

"Sorry…" he mumbled under his breath. "I just keep forgetting what happens after the leg wiggle thing…you know, after the jumps?" He started counting under his breath again as they walked through the lobby, and Carlos let out a dramatic groan, shoving his hands over his ears.

"_Logan!_" Carlos whined. "I heard enough of that dumb counting from Mr. X today! _I can't take it anymore_!"

"Okay, wait, Logan, it's the step out on the left foot, cross-step, turn, and then walk away, okay?" James finally told him, desperate to make it stop. "Like this." The guys stopped while James demonstrated the move that Logan was forgetting. "Got it?"

"Here they are," they heard an amused voice say. All of them looked up to see Camille, Logan's girlfriend (or was she his ex-girlfriend right now? They were so on-and-off it was hard to remember sometimes), walking in from the pool. And by her side…

"New girrrrrrrl!" the guys all said appreciatively. Logan received a _look _from Camille, and he blushed again, ducking his head, but the other three immediately turned on their charm.

"Well hello there," Kendall purred in his flirtiest voice. "Nice to meet you. Name's Kendall. What's yours?"

The girl just laughed, tossing her straight blonde hair over one shoulder. "Well, my name is Arianna. But everyone calls me Ari."

"Well, Ari," Carlos said, sidling up closer to her. He grabbed his helmet and put it on, tapping it twice as usual. "Do you like helmets?" That earned another amused laugh from Ari—not a flirty giggle, but an actual, genuine laugh.

"Oh, you weren't joking, Camille!" she laughed. "They are funny."

"Ari's here from Minnesota, just like you guys," Camille told them. "I thought you'd like to meet her."

"Hey, Minnesota?" Kendall exclaimed, losing his flirty voice. "Wow, that's great! We're from Minnesota!"

Ari gave Kendall a strange look. "That's what Camille just said…"

"Right…" Kendall realized, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

"So anyway," James finally, said, slinking a little closer to Ari. "I was thinking later maybe you and I—"

"Oh!" Camille suddenly exclaimed, looking at her watch. "Ari, we're going to be late. The movie starts in like ten minutes."

"You guys are going to a movie?" James tried again. "Well, maybe I—_we_," he corrected himself after getting a look from all three of his best friends. "Maybe _we _could join you lovely ladies and—"

"No, we're ordering a movie on pay-per-view. And we're watching it in my apartment. With Stephanie and Rachel. And no boys allowed!" Camille exclaimed, holding up a finger as all four boys attempted to invite themselves over at the same time. Camille smiled and linked arms with Ari, who also smiled. "Bye boys!" With a little cutesy wave to Logan, she turned and walked away.

Ari looked over her shoulder and waved, very friendly, to the boys, who all waved back. Carlos sighed. "I think I'm in love."

"No, you can't be," Kendall informed him. "Because she's going to be _mine_."

"Uh, unfair!" Logan protested. "I say _I _get a chance with her!"

"Oh please," James scoffed. "You'll be dating Camille again by Tuesday, so you don't get a vote. And besides," he said, putting on his most confident look. "We all _really _know who she'll choose."

Carlos, Logan, and Kendall all exchanged a look. "Why do you automatically assume that all girls are interested in _you_?"

"Um, because they all _are_?" James laughed, wondering how his friends could not realize how much power _The Face_ could wield.

Logan put on a mock thoughtful expression. "Let's see…Jo, Stephanie, Lucy, _all _the Jennifers…" he listed, counting on his fingers.

"Shut up!" James simply said, and pulled out his lucky comb from his pocket, running it through his perfect hair. "No lady can resist the Jamester." He turned and strutted off towards the elevator on his imaginary runway.

"Seriously?" Kendall asked his two best friends who stood beside him. He sighed and shook his head. "One of these days his head won't even fit through the door."

"It's not fair!" Carlos pouted. "He'll just turn on his James charm and she'll melt for him and then he'll get her! And then he'll probably dump her when another girl comes along, too…" Carlos crossed his arms. "Dumb James."

"You don't mean that, buddy," Logan reassured him. "C'mon. Maybe after he dumbs her she'll want to date a sweeter member of the band." That thought perked Carlos up a bit.

"Yeah," Kendall added. "And besides, you know what today is, right?"

"Friday…" Carlos said slowly before realizing what Kendall meant. "FISHTICK FRIDAY!" Carlos took off full speed for the elevators, Logan and Kendall only half a second behind him.

~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR

"So, Ari, I heard you met the guys today," Stephanie said, grabbing a handful of popcorn from one of the bowls that they had made.

"Yeah," Ari said. "They're pretty…interesting guys, right?"

The other girls could only laugh. "Interesting is _one _way to describe them," Stephanie informed Ari. "I don't think I've been here a day where they haven't done something completely crazy."

"Remember when James asked all those girls to the dance?" Rachel reminded Stephanie and Camille. "All because he was trying to teach Logan how to ask _you, _Camille."

"I don't know, I was so busy trying to get Carlos to finally notice me," Stephanie said, rolling her eyes. "And then nothing happens after that. I swear, that boy can be really dense sometimes. Like, what do I have to say to get him to like me?"

"Right?" Camille agreed. "It took so long to bring Logan around to finally being interested in me."

"Didn't you guys break up the other day?" Stephanie asked her.

"Yeah," Camille admitted, waving a hand like it was nothing. "But we only break up because we like to make up."

"You mean make _out_!" Rachel teased, tossing a kernel at Camille who just smiled slyly.

"Hey, weren't you one of the girls that James asked to the dance, Rachel?" Camille remembered.

"Yeah, one of like _twenty_," Rachel grumbled. "He was in _so _much trouble."

"Wait," Ari finally broke in. "He asked _twenty _girls to be his date?"

"Well, I think a few of them were an accident," Rachel allowed.

"_Still_!" Ari exclaimed. "All of those girls said _yes?_" When the others nodded, she was incredibly shocked. "But…why?"

"I guess James just has that effect on girls," Camille said simply. "He's a real player though, and he's obsessed with his looks."

"Which kind of makes sense," Rachel told her. "Have you seen him? The boy is _fine_." The others giggled, and insisted that their boy was better looking, while Ari just smiled along.

~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BT~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR

"James," Carlos murmured sleepily from across the room. "Will you turn the light out?"

James turned around in his desk chair to look at his tired friend sitting up in the twin bed across the room. "It's Friday night. Why do you want to go to sleep so early anyway?" He swiveled back around to face the notebook he was scribbling in.

"Because Logan told me to," Carlos replied. "And because I'm tired, and because we have rehearsal at eight AM tomorrow morning because Gustavo is freaking out about the concert."

"Right…" James muttered, his pencil pausing on the page. "The concert's soon isn't it?"

"Next Saturday," Carlos reminded him, pulling the covers up and curling up on his side. "You've got it marked on your calendar. Why would you forget?"

"I didn't!" James said, insulted. "I was just…making sure." He went back to writing, and when Carlos didn't hear him getting ready for bed, he sat up again.

"What are you _working _so hard on?" Carlos demanded.

"Uh, just homework," James absently told him.

"No you're not!" Carlos snickered. "It's Friday! You don't do your homework until Sunday night when Logan _makes _you."

"Well, maybe I wanted to get a head start on it this time."

Carlos opened his mouth to respond, but the door opened. James looked up to see Logan standing there with Kendall.

"Guys, I thought we all agreed we would be well-rested for tomorrow!" Logan groaned, seeing that both boys were awake. When Carlos attempted to protest, Logan held up a finger to stop him. "No, don't try to argue! I'm the one who always has to drag you out of bed and force-feed you coffee and get you in the limo and I just want tomorrow's rehearsal to go well! Have you been around Gustavo recently? He's crazy."

"It was James," Carlos murmured. "I'm in bed. See? _He _won't turn the light off."

"James, can you just go to bed?" Kendall asked. "It's past eleven."

"Fine!" James exclaimed, annoyed, flipping his notebook closed. Kendall eyed it suspiciously as James got up to grab his PJs.

"What are you doing?" Kendall asked. He reached out for the notebook, but James snatched it away.

"Nothing!" James said, a little too quickly. Logan and Kendall exchanged a look. "Just homework."

"Really?" Logan asked hopefully. "You mean I won't have to badger you into doing it this weekend?"

"Well, maybe, since I didn't get a chance to finish it," James grumbled, shoving the notebook in his backpack by the door and undoing his pants to change clothes. "Now you guys go to bed. We'll turn out the lights like good little boys, Mama Logan. We promise."

"Good," Logan said, ignoring the jab. "See you when I drag Carlos out of bed tomorrow morning."

James gave a mock salute as Kendall and Logan left to go to their own bedroom.

"So what's really in the notebook?" Carlos asked, sounding incredibly curious. "Is it a diary or something? Or did you commit a crime and you can only feel guilt-free by confessing it onto paper?"

"No, Carlos," James said tiredly, wishing they hadn't let him watch that detective movie the other day. "It's nothing, okay? I…I'm working on something, but I don't want anyone to see it yet, alright?" he admitted.

"Okay," Carlos accepted surprisingly easily. He rolled over again, facing the wall. "Night, James."

"Night, Carlitos…" James murmured as he tossed his jeans into the laundry hamper across the room and flicked off the overhead light.

**Kind of a strange ending, but I wasn't sure how else to end it. Comment and tell me what you think! Thanks for reading! Second chapter up maybe…Wednesday? I'm pretty busy right now, but I'll try to update quickly, because I love hearing what you guys think! I'm excited to work with James : )**


	2. Chapter 2

**So I'm a couple days behind. Because my computer ATE MY OUTLINE. Seriously. It's just gone. So, I've been working on writing it all out by memory again, and I managed to finish this. I hope you enjoy!**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Big Time Rush or any of its characters or songs.**

"_Wah, sneak attack!_" Carlos screamed as he jumped on Logan from behind. Logan shouted as both he and Carlos fell to the ground, Carlos laughing hysterically. "That'll teach you to take the last Eggo waffle!"

"Carlos, that was this morning at breakfast!" Logan exclaimed, pushing the still laughing Latino boy off of him. "Let it go!"

"Logan, how much coffee did you let him have this morning?" James asked tiredly as he flopped onto the ground next to the other two, taking a long drink from his water bottle.

"_Apparently_ too much!" Logan replied, shooting a dirty look at Carlos. "I'm never making that mistake again!"

"Aw, come on, I didn't even hurt you," Carlos complained, sitting up and folding his arms. "Don't be a wimp."

"A wimp? I'm not being a wimp, you _surprise tackled me_!"

"Yeah! Little wimp!"

"You little—" Logan was about to launch himself at Carlos when Kendall's voice broke in.

"Oh come on, guys." The other three looked up as Kendall walked over. "We haven't even made it one minute into our break and you're already fighting?"

Logan pointed at Carlos accusingly. "He started it."

"And I'm ending it," Kendall said. "Guys, Gustavo's in such a bad mood, if he walks in and even hears the slightest sign of bickering, he's going to blow up."

Logan and Carlos both pouted, turning away from each other stubbornly. Kendall rolled his eyes and leaned against the wall, sliding down it onto the cool dance studio floor, looking like he was just ready to fall asleep and never get up.

James knew just how he felt. It was eleven and they were having their first break since they had gotten to the studio at eight that morning. Mr. X was running them ragged, declaring that their dancing had to be "X-ceptional" and "X-quisite" and a bunch of other X words in order for their concert to go well.

And after this concert-from-hell, as James was calling it since this morning, was finally over, they went right into the rehearsals and filming of their new music video. He reminded his friends of this, who looked both upset and overjoyed by the thought.

"Aww, man, you're right, aren't you?" Logan groaned slightly. "We rehearse that Monday." With a sigh, he took a long drink of water. "Well, at least we get Sunday off. And besides, making music videos is cool."

"Yeah!" Carlos agreed, practically bouncing up and down where he sat. "I mean, we're doing it for Blow Your Speakers. It's going to be EPIC!" Carlos doubled over laughing. "Get it? 'Cause one of our songs is _also _called _EPIC!_" The other guys just sort of stared at Carlos blankly. He stopped laughing gradually. "Ehehehe…hehe…sorry."

"Well, _that _horrible joke aside," Kendall said, giving Carlos a strange look. "I think the videos going to be pretty great. I just wish Gustavo would let us know more about it."

"What he told me was that it involved 'some cool cars and some very cool ladies'," Logan said. "I think he's going for the approach like we had with Music Sounds Better With You, with each of us having a girl partner."

"That video was pretty popular," James agreed. "And I don't mind breaking down a few moves with a pretty lady dancer."

"Ah, are you boys talking about your new music video?" All four looked up to see Mr. X standing nearby, listening.

"Yeah, do you know anything about it?" Kendall asked, all of them turning to face Mr. X.

"I'm choreographing it, of course!" Mr. X scoffed. "A BTR music video is not complete without my _X_-cellent choreography. I'm auditioning dancers in two days. That's why you'll be working without me all Monday morning."

"Are they…pretty lady dancers?" James asked hopefully. Carlos shoved him lightly.

"They are," Mr. X informed him. "Now that's enough of that! Get up! Time to work on some back-flipping, Logan, James!"

Kendall pointed at James and Logan and laughed at them silently.

"And while they are doing that, Kendall, you and Carlos will be reviewing the choreography for Love Me, Love Me." Kendall's fingers fell down from where he was pointing and he muttered a curse under his breath. Logan and James exchanged a glance and high-fived.

"Hey, so are you going to tell Camille about the audition?" James asked Logan, while Mr. X was taping a large X on the ground for them to practice their back flips on.

"Oh, yeah, good idea," Logan replied, pulling out his phone. "I'll text her."

~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR

Camille's phone jingled with an arriving message, and she sat up from her spot on a lounging chair by the side of the Palm Woods pool. As she pulled her phone out of her bag, Stephanie, in the chair to her left, lifted her sunglasses to glance at Camille. "Is that _Logan_?" she teased.

"As a matter of fact," Camille said, looking at the message and sticking out her tongue at Camille. She read the message and then smiled. "He's just telling me that there are auditions for the main dancers in their new music video on Monday."

Stephanie sat up, and so did Arianna, in the chair to Camille's right. "Oh cool," Stephanie said, grabbing her bottle of water and taking a sip. "Are you going to audition?"

"I already have an audition that day," Camille grimaced, typing this response back to Logan. "I don't know if I would even if I was free. I mean, put me in the background, dancing freestyle and I can't be beat. Give me one of those boys choreographed dances—I might be the most hopeless person ever." She shut off her phone and tossed it back in her bag. "Maybe _you _should audition, Steph."

Stephanie practically choked on the water she was drinking, and laughed. "_Me_? I'm a film-maker/actress, not a dancer, remember?"

Camille shrugged. "I was just thinking it might be a good way to get _Carlos_ to notice you."

There was a silence as Stephanie stared at Camille in shock. "Damn you, Camille," she finally murmured, making Camille giggle. "That's a really good idea. But I'm still not a dancer."

"You used to dance!" Camille pointed out. "You told me."

"Yeah, when I was fifteen."

"So? You're seventeen now, that's not that big of a difference."

"Well…" Stephanie mused. "Maybe. I'll have to see if I can find someone to practice with."

"You can practice with me," Arianna told her, grinning. "I'll be auditioning for sure."

"You're a dancer?" Stephanie asked.

"Among other things," Arianna shrugged. "I've only been dancing since I was twelve, but I like to think I'm pretty good."

"Well then it's settled," Camille declared happily, clapping her hands together. "Stephanie will audition and finally gain Carlos's undivided attention, and Arianna will audition and find out which of the boys she's destined to fall in love with."

"_What_?" Arianna asked, shocked.

"Oh please," Camille said, rolling her eyes. "Every girl at the Palm Woods _has _to, at some time or another, be matched up with one of the boys. It's, like…a law of nature or something."

"Why?"

Stephanie and Camille exchanged a look. "Well, no one really knows," Stephanie finally answered. "It just always seems to happen. Like, me with Carlos…"

"Me with Logan," Camille put in. "Jo with Kendall, Lucy with Kendall, Rachel with James, the Jennifers with Carlos and/or James, Mindy with James, Ashton with James, Gabrielle with James…"

"Seems like they all go for _James_," Arianna said, a slight mocking tone evident in her voice. The other two just waved it off. "Does he care about anything but himself?"

"I'm sure he does, I mean he has such great friends," Camille said.

"Well, have you ever really seen him care about much of anything other than his appearance or his reputation? Because ever since I got here, that's all I've ever heard or seen of him." Camille and Stephanie exchanged an uneasy look and just shrugged. "I thought so," Arianna mumbled, sliding her sunglasses back on over her eyes. "I knew guys like him back home—only caring about how they looked or what cool party they were going to be seen at. Not caring about people. I'm really through with people like that."

"I guess that's your choice," Camille said, leaning back in her chair. "But James is a pretty cool guy. I think you should give him a chance." When Arianna didn't respond, Camille smiled slightly and slid her sunglasses down to soak up some more sun.

**Reviews are the butter to my popcorn! And unbuttered popcorn is crappy, have you ever tried it? Seriously.**

**SEE YOU SOON!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Outline is rewritten, so we're all good! Here's the next chapter!**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Big Time Rush or any of its characters.**

"You picked the movie _last _weekend! We watched that stupid cartoon detective thing that you wanted to see!" Logan was shouting as he tried to wrestle the remote away from Carlos. "We get to watch _my _movie this week! It's _my _turn!"

"No!" Carlos objected, half-tackling Logan. "My papi _just _sent me this DVD and I want to watch it and—"

"I don't care who sent it to you! We have an arrangement! Kendall, tell him!" Logan and Carlos froze as they both looked up at Kendall, who was leaning across the kitchen counter, watching them with an amused expression. He chuckled slightly and shook his head.

"Okay. Carlos," Kendall started, and the smaller Latino boy sat up on the couch, wrenching the remote away from Logan, folding his arms. "It _is _Logan's turn to pick the movie for tonight, and you _know _that. You did get to pick last week. When it's your turn again, then you get to fight for the remote." Logan stuck his tongue out at Carlos and grabbed the remote from him.

"And Logan," Kendall continued, and the thin brunette looked over at him, confused. "Maybe you should hear _what _movie it is that Carlos wants to watch. Maybe you want to see it too."

"What movie is it Carlos?" Logan asked, very sarcastically.

Carlos made a face, but a pointed look from Kendall got him talking. "_Evolution of the Black Lagoon Beast_!" Carlos proclaimed proudly. "_PART 3!"_

Logan gave a rather squeaky gasp and bit his knuckle. "I _do _want to see that!" he confessed.

Kendall smiled. "Well, there you go. Everybody wins." Logan and Carlos just looked at each other for a minute, before shrugging and high-fiving. "But we can't start the movie yet," Kendall reminded them. "James isn't here."

"What?" Carlos exclaimed. "Where is he? He _knows_ that it's movie time!"

"Ah, technically, movie time is nine PM, Saturday night," Logan reminded him. "Subject to change by concerts, rehearsals, recordings, and/or dates with pretty girls, as decided by us upon our move to LA and recorded in the rules of the guys of BTR." Logan gestured to the oversized book that was on the counter next to Kendall, and then checked his watch. "It's only eight-fifteen."

"So you have to wait until James gets back, or until nine. Whichever comes first." Kendall chuckled again as Carlos dramatically groaned and fell over on his side on the couch. "I'll go see where he is," Kendall offered.

"You look in his room and around here—I'll check down by the pool," Logan suggested. Kendall nodded and climbed up swirly-slide to get to James' and Carlos's room as Logan headed out the front door.

"James?" Kendall called, opening the door. No one was in there, so Kendall also quickly checked the bathroom and in his and Logan's room. No James. He went back into the other two boys' bedroom and glanced around for a minute. His eyes were immediately drawn to James's backpack, unmoved from its spot where it had been last night.

Kendall couldn't help himself. He had been so curious ever since he had seen James scribbling in that notebook. Logan might be fooled, but Kendall knew that James hadn't been doing homework. He didn't think it was anything bad, probably just something embarrassing. _I should probably respect my best friend's privacy…_ he thought to himself as he stared at the backpack that seemed to be silently mocking him. _Aw, screw it, we have no privacy_.

Practically diving across the room, Kendall pulled open the zipper on the backpack like he was opening a present on Christmas morning. Inside there was an accordion binder, a pencil bag, a mirror…but no spiral notebook.

~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~BTR

James noticed that the sun was starting to go down, and that more and more people were leaving the pool. Usually, James would be sitting out in the open, surrounded by his friends, chatting up as many girls as he could find, but today he was sitting off to the side by himself, his spiral notebook setting on a table beside him. He lowered his sunglasses and looked across the pool.

_Man, I'm being such a creep_, James admitted to himself. But he couldn't help it. Ari was something that seemed so untouchable that even he, James, the master with the ladies, felt almost intimidated by her. She was sitting at a table, sipping smoothies with Camille and Stephanie.

_That's another thing! _James exclaimed in his head. _She's never alone! I can't seem to get a chance to talk to her without Camille or someone else being there to interfere_. James turned his pencil over and over in his hands, writing something down in the journal and then immediately crossing it out. He sighed and looked back at her again.

She was waving goodbye! James sat up straighter as Camille and Stephanie walked back through the doors to the Palm Woods lobby, and Ari tossed her cup in a trash can, flipping her blonde hair over one shoulder. James flipped his notebook closed again, feeling a surge of his usual confidence overcome him, and practically ran over to the pretty, bikini-clad girl.

"Well hey there," he purred, running his comb through his hair. Ari turned around and smiled…very strangely at James. "What are you up to tonight?"

"Hi James," was all Ari said, reaching down to pick up her bag. "I'm actually going home and going to bed."

"Oh," James said, feeling his confidence ebbing dramatically as Ari's pale blue eyes stared at him. She just had a look that made him feel…ordinary.

_You are not ordinary!_ he scolded himself. _You are _James. _All the ladies fall for you, because you are _handsome. He cleared his throat and flipped his long brown bangs from his forehead, flashing a thousand-watt grin at Ari.

"Maybe instead, you and I—" he began, but got cut off.

"James!" Ari and James both turned to see Logan standing there now. "There you are! Hey Ari," Logan greeted her, and she smiled at him too—much more warmly than she had at James, it seemed. "James," Logan said again, looking very excited. "Carlos's papi sent him _Evolution of the Black Lagoon Beast, part 3_. We've _got _to watch it tonight! C'mon!"

"Okay, okay!" James said, shrugging Logan off. "I'll be up in a few minutes. I was just saying to Ari…" James tried to turn his flirty face back on the pretty blonde girl, but _she _was having none of it.

"Oh, I love those movies!" Ari was saying to Logan. She looked at James with that _look _again—a look that seemed especially reserved for him. "Why don't you go with your friends?" she told him, almost bitingly. "I'm sure they'll have more fun with you than I would."

Okay. _That _had been an insult. James felt it, Logan felt it, everyone within a thirty-foot _radius _had probably felt it. Ari smiled at both BTR boys and then left, throwing her bag on her shoulder and waving to them. Logan was slightly open-mouthed, as was James. "Ouch," Logan finally said. "What did you do to her?"

"I have _no _idea," James complained, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "She likes everybody _except _me." Logan slapped a hand on James's shoulder.

"Tough break," he said simply, and then grinned. "Movie time! Let's go!" Logan raced off towards the Palm Woods, James only half of a second behind him. He'd forget Ari for tonight. _What's one girl? _he thought. _…The one girl who seems to hate me_.

~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR

Whenever interviewers would ask _"Who's the early riser of the group?" _everyone would probably expect the answer to be Logan. And it was Logan. Partially.

"Logan _and _James," was the usual answer. "Logan gets up because he's an insomniac who _never seems to sleep," _Kendall would complain with a grin. "And James gets up because he spends so much more time getting ready in the morning."

Which wasn't really fair, James always argued. When he got up, he would usually be the one to make breakfast, being a surprisingly good cook. He and Logan would do breakfast, giving Mama Knight a break since she made all of their _other _meals all of the time.

That's what he was doing this morning. James was whistling to himself in the kitchen, turning on the stove and getting out the frying pan to make bacon. Logan came down swirly-slide, smiling at his best friend in the kitchen. "Hey," Logan greeted and James just gave a nod. Logan sat on one of the bar stools and stared at James. "Your glasses are crooked," he said, snickering.

James smiled and straightened the frames. He and Logan were the two of the group who wore glasses. Of course, they mainly wore their contacts, but it was lazy Sunday morning time. James pointed at Logan's face, where his own wire frames were setting. "Yours are dirty," he pointed out. Logan pulled them off and held them up to the light, looking at them.

"Yeah," he agreed. "Toss me the cleaner, will you?" James grabbed the little spray bottle and rag from a cabinet and gently tossed both to Logan, who set to cleaning the lenses. When he was done, he joined James in the kitchen, making scrambled eggs while James fried the bacon.

Twenty minutes later, breakfast was on the table, and James and Logan could hear their other two best friends stirring, attracted by the smell of food. Carlos was the first to appear over edge of the upstairs loft. "BACON!" he exclaimed, throwing himself headfirst down swirly-slide, diving for the table.

"Pace yourself, Carlos!" Logan scolded as the boy grabbed a handful of bacon. "And leave some for everyone else too."

"I can make more," James shrugged, speaking through a mouthful of scrambled eggs. Kendall came down swirly-slide next, taking his spot next to Logan, and Mama Knight came out from her bedroom in her bathrobe. She headed straight for the coffee maker.

"Where's Katie?" Kendall asked. "She still asleep?"

"Mmhm," Mama Knight murmured as she filled up a coffee mug. "That girl's going to be a late sleeper. I guess I won't be able to count on breakfast waiting for me when it's just me and her."

All four boys froze and looked at Mama Knight. She glanced around at all of them. "What?" she finally asked.

"What…well, what do you mean when it's just you and her?" Kendall asked, sounding nervous.

"Yeah, we're here!" Carlos pointed out.

"Well, yeah," Mama Knight chuckled, sounding a little confused. "But you guys are seniors this year. You'll all be eighteen before next year. You won't need a guardian anymore."

"So…so you're going to leave us?" Logan asked, sounding heartbroken.

"Oh gosh…" Mama Knight muttered. "Boys, don't worry about that. Eventually, yes, you are going to have to live on your own, but that's what you want, right? You're growing up. You don't want to be living with your mom forever!" The guys grumbled in reluctant agreement. "So you'll live here, just by yourselves." Mama Knight smiled at the guys. "Forget I mentioned it, okay? That's a year before we need to think of that."

The guys went back to their breakfasts, albeit hesitantly. They hadn't realized that they were growing up. Or maybe they had…and they had just ignored it.

~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR

In their usual Sunday-day-off fashion, the guys had decided to spend their day down at the pool. As they were heading down to the elevator, James realized he had forgotten his sunglasses in the apartment though, and doubled back for them, the other guys going ahead.

After securing his sunglasses, James went back out to the hallway, fully intending to go to the pool and jump right in to a day full of fun.

But then he saw Stephanie standing in front of the apartment two doors down. "Hey!" he called, walking over to her. "What's up? You don't live on this floor," he noted.

"No, I'm—" she started to say, but the door she was in front of then opened. James looked and couldn't help his surprised expression when he saw who was standing inside.

"Ari!" he exclaimed, immediately trying to regain his cool. He flipped his brown bangs away from his face and gave her a charming smile.

She didn't seem to be buying it. "James," she said, trying to sound pleasant. "What are _you _doing here?"

"I was just heading down to the pool and I saw Stephanie here and…yeah," James said, cursing himself inside his head. _What. Is. Wrong. With. You! _"I didn't know you lived on this floor."

"I didn't think it was important to broadcast that," Ari shrugged with a very _cool_ smile.

"What are you two _lovely_ ladies," he tried again, forcing his James charm into overload. "…doing cooped up inside on such a beautiful Sunday."

"We're practicing," Stephanie told him. "For the audition tomorrow." She was about to say more but stopped after a pointed look from Ari.

"The audition?" James repeated, questioningly. He glanced at their attire. Stephanie was wearing an oversized sweatshirt and tight black yoga pants with dance sneakers, while Ari was wearing jazz shoes with black spandex shorts over a bright green leotard. "Wait, the audition for our music video?"

"Yeah!" Stephanie smiled. Ari gave her another look. "What?"

Ari turned back to James, and gave him that _special _smile again. "Yes, we are auditioning for your music video. Well, it's been really nice talking to you, James, but I think that your friends are probably waiting. Bye!" With that, she turned and walked into her apartment. James started to say something but Stephanie cut him off.

"Don't," she simply told him.

"What's _wrong _with her?!" he whispered furiously, finally giving into his frustration. "I'm doing _everything _I can, and she…and she just…and I…!"

"I don't know!" Stephanie shrugged. "But she just doesn't seem to like you, so I'd leave her alone!" With a smile, Stephanie stepped into the apartment. "I'll see you guys a little later okay? …Tell Carlos hi for me?"

"Yeah, sure," he said absently, waving and walking off towards the elevator.

_Well that sucked,_ he said to himself. _What could I have _possibly_ done to make her not like me? _He thought about how Stephanie had told him to just leave Ari alone.

But now of course he couldn't. She was too much of a mystery for him to just give up. Plus, he couldn't help but feel like…like she was something special.

**Another awkward ending. I rewrote it a few times. It doesn't work any other way. Anyway, thanks for your favorites, alerts, and comments. I'll be posting the next chapter this week sometime, hopefully! Remember to comment if you like it!**

**And visit my profile for the poll on which story you'd like to see next! New options are being added all the time, so keep checking back! You now have the option to choose more than one story idea.**

**Thanks again.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for continuing on with this story!**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Big Time Rush or any of its characters.**

Monday morning they had rehearsals again with Gustavo. He had already made them run the same song five times in a row, each time declaring that it wasn't good enough. Not only were the guys bored, but they knew that the dancer auditions were happening just down the hall in the dance studio and they were all desperate to watch them.

So, after a carefully arranged distraction/escape plan, they had managed to extricate themselves from the studio where they were rehearsing, and were now trying to secretly spy on the auditions for as long as they could.

It was proving difficult.

"Shh!"

"Carlos, quit shoving…"

"You're sitting on my foot!"

"_Shh_!"

"Stop breathing on me, Logan!"

"It's not my fault! James, you're _still _sitting on my foot!"

"Well move your foot!"

"I _can't_! You're _sitting _on it!"

"Guys!" Logan, James, and Carlos looked over at a flabbergasted Kendall. "What part of _'SHHH!'_ did you _not _get?"

"Hey, hey!" Logan shushed to the others, gesturing through the window that they were trying to peek through. "Look, it's Stephanie and Ari." James scrambled to get a better view.

Yup, in the sea of girls in this audition group, there were Stephanie and Arianna. James couldn't help but notice how great she looked—her blonde hair was pulled back in a high ponytail, she was wearing an orange-striped exercise top and those spandex shorts again, this time with dance sneakers like Stephanie's. They were watching Mr. X demonstrate the combination for the audition.

"Oh man, I hope _we _get to do that dance too…" Kendall was murmuring, his nose also pressed up against the glass, as Mr. X finished the combination and four girls, Stephanie and Ari included, stepped forward to give it a shot.

They could just barely hear the music playing through the glass as Mr. X started it. _"So hop in your ride, roll the windows down, 'cause tonight's the night, get lost in the sound._" All the boys shook off the weird feeling that came from listening to their own music and watched the dancers closely. Mr. X was counting off to the start of the dance.

_Under the stolen lights, feel the rhythm, the rhythm_

_And it will get you right, sweat it all out of your system_

_You gotta free your mind, let yourself unwind_

'_Cause it's your night night night_

_So do it right right right, come on!_

_Can you feel it inside?_

_Relax and go for a ride_

_I know you need it_

_I can see it in your eyes_

That was where the audition combo ended. James had been drop-jawed pretty much from the beginning.

It wasn't an easy dance. Clearly Mr. X was going for a very stunning dance-focused video that made it necessary to have dancers very clearly trained in hip hop. The two girls they didn't know in the group were alright, and Stephanie was surprisingly good. But Arianna…she had blown James's mind.

"Dang, that girl can dance like _no one's _business!" Logan choked out. "Did you see that?"

"Oh man, she's in for sure," Kendall breathed, and then nudged James. "James? You a'ight?"

James shook himself. "Yeah, I just…wow, she's really great. I mean, Mr. X only showed them that combo _twice _before he had them do it! And she just…wow."

"Pulled it off pretty good," Carlos finished for him, nodding.

"Well," Logan corrected, and Carlos stuck his tongue out at him.

"Uh-oh," Kendall suddenly said, and the other guys looked back in. Arianna had turned around as her group had finished, and was now looking right at the four guys, noses pressed up to the glass of the studio window. She raised an eyebrow and gave them a questioning look.

Suddenly, there were noises from down the hall that were unmistakably from Gustavo. "Duck!" Logan warned, and all of the guys ducked behind the couch they had placed to hide them under the window. They all kept quiet as they heard Gustavo come down the hall and open the dance studio door.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, Mr. X," Gustavo shouted, not sounding at all sorry. "But have any of you seen the dogs running around here?"

"Dogs?" the guys heard several girls say, sounding confused.

"Big Time Rush," Gustavo clarified, growing impatient.

All of the guys held their collective breath as they prayed for Ari to not sell them out. The murmur of negative replies from the studio…Gustavo's frustrated grumbles…the door closing! Gustavo walking away! Kendall was the first to peek over the couch and see Gustavo turn the corner down the hallway again.

"It's clear!" he whispered to the others, gesturing for them that it was safe. The others let out their breath, chuckling and grinning at each other.

Suddenly, the door to the studio was open again. "What are you guys doing?" They all sat up and saw Ari standing in the hall. She gestured for them to come over. The guys crawled out of view of the windows and stood up only once in the safety of the hallway.

"We're watching the auditions!" Kendall explained. "Thanks for not telling Gustavo."

"Sure, that's fine," Ari shrugged. "I figured you must have a reason for hiding from him. Why are you so interested in first-round auditions though?"

"We just…wanted to see who we might be working with!" Logan expertly answered.

Carlos leaned in towards Ari with a flirty smile. "We approve." Kendall smacked his shoulder lightly with the back of his hand and Ari giggled.

"What he means is you were really awesome," Kendall said pointedly, giving Carlos a warning look and a warm smile to Ari.

"You think so?" Ari asked, sounding pleased. She then just shrugged and smiled, putting her hands on her hips. "It was fun," she admitted. "I've danced for a long time, it'd be really cool to do it professionally."

"You really rocked those moves," James spoke up, sidling closer to the blonde girl. As soon as he spoke, Ari looked like she'd smelled something sour. James chose to ignore that and just continued. "Maybe…sometime you can show me some dance moves?"

Ari smiled at him (that _special-James-only_ smile that looked more like a grimace than anything else…) and crossed her arms across her chest. "Maybe you should just teach them to yourself. I'm sure you're ten times better at it than I am."

"Well, I don't like to brag," James scoffed, tossing his bangs from his forehead.

Ari's smile vanished entirely, and she just looked pissed off. _Okay, so it was the wrong time to joke…_ James said to himself.

"I'll see you guys later," she said to the other three, and only gave James a look of semi-disgust before stalking back into the studio.

"Ouch," Kendall commented. "She…really doesn't like you, does she?"

"I…I…" James stuttered. He laughed nervously. "Come on, can you imagine anyone not liking me? Especially girls. I mean, hello?" He gestured to his "chiseled good looks." "I have _The Face_."

Logan laughed hesitantly as well. "She's probably still just wound up and nervous from her audition," Logan insisted. "Although, she was pleasant enough to the rest of us…"

"Okay, Logan, stop trying to help!" James said pretend-happily.

"Guys!" All four boys whirled around to see Kelly standing at the end of the hall, looking frazzled with her clipboard in one hand and her cell phone in the other.

"Busted…" Carlos murmured to Kendall, who nodded and gulped.

Kelly stormed over to them. "What are you doing?" she demanded.

"We just really wanted to see the auditions for the music video!" Kendall explained.

"Please don't let Gustavo kill us!" Logan pleaded. James and Carlos both nodded in agreement and all four guys did their best to look completely innocent.

Kelly rolled her eyes. "I'll tell Gustavo that you were doing something for me if you _promise _you'll stay for the rest of rehearsal!"

The guys immediately celebrated. "Promise!" Kendall swore as he tore off down the hall, followed closely by James. "Thanks Kelly!" "You're the best!" was from Logan and Carlos, who both gave her a quick hug before following their two best friends back to the studio.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah…" Kelly muttered, tapping out an email on her phone as she turned to follow the boys. "Thanks again for saving our dumb asses, Kelly…" Still, she couldn't help but smile to herself as she said that.

~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR

"I feel like it went pretty well, actually," Stephanie admitted as she and Ari rode up the Palm Woods elevator. "Well, I mean, it went well enough for _both _of us to make it to the second round anyway."

"I know…" Ari grinned. "Can I just say…my mom is going to be so excited. She was a dancer too, and if she finds out my first job in Hollywood is going to be a main dancer in a music video, she will just freak." Ari held back a yawn, reliving the day's events—the audition in the morning and then hanging out at the beach and going to dinner with Stephanie and Camille.

The elevator dinged as it arrived on the second floor. Ari bid Stephanie a goodbye as she stayed on to ride up one more floor and Ari got off to head to her apartment. She'd barely gotten five steps before _James _popped up out of seemingly nowhere.

"Oh my _God_!" Ari exclaimed, jumping backwards. "What the hell, James?"

"Hey Ari!" he greeted. "Just thought I'd pop by to say hello."

"Well, you did that," Ari said, annoyed, as she tried to brush past James. He caught her hand to stop her, and she yanked it away. "Hey! You know, you are really starting to get on my nerves, James!"

"Why?" James begged. Ari just crossed her arms and made to go down the hall again. "Hey!" James called after her and she turned back around. "If you have a problem with me, then just tell me that!"

"I have a problem with you!" Ari shouted.

"Oh. Well that was—hey!" Ari had turned and was again walking down the hallway. James took two long strides to catch up with her and put a hand on her shoulder. Not in a forceful way, but to make her stop and turn around. They were standing directly in front of Ari's front door. "Let me say that differently. If you have a problem with me, then let me know what it is so maybe I can fix it."

Ari just shook her head. "I really cannot believe you, James Diamond," she told him. "You've just…become such a narcissist that it's unbelievable."

James paused and cleared his throat. "Okay, I don't know what narcissist means."

"Buy a dictionary!" Ari suggested loudly, shoving James's hand off of her shoulder and going quickly into her apartment, being sure to close the door loudly behind her.

"Hey!" James called through the door after her. "I'll have you know I already have a dictionary! His name's Logan!" James stomped down to 2J, slamming the door behind him as well.

"No slamming doors!" Mama Knight called from the kitchen, where she was making dinner. Logan was the only other one in the living room, reading a book, but looked up when James came in.

"Logan," James said, quickly going over to his smartest friend. "What's a narcissist?"

"A narcissist?" Logan asked, and James nodded. "Well, basically, someone with an inflated ego and who always puts themselves first—someone who's in love with themselves." Logan looked closely at James. "Why, did someone call you that?"

"Now, why would you assume that?" James asked, trying to be insulted, but not really mad. He sank down on the couch next to Logan and leaned forward, resting his arms on his legs. "Do you think it's true, too?"

"Buddy, I know you," Logan assured him. "You may seem like you only care about yourself to an outsider…but I know that's not the only part of James."

James was unusually quiet. "But…it is," he admitted quietly.

"What?" Logan asked, not quite believing what he was hearing.

"It is," James said, a little louder. "And the sad part is…I _tried _to be this way. I put forth every effort I could into being this horrible, stuck-up, n-narcissistic person, and why did I do it?" James balled his hands into fists unwillingly. "Because of him. All because of that jerk-faced son of a bitch. And now I'm just like him. Like I always wanted."

"James, you don't have to talk about him," Logan told his best friend, hating to see him in pain. Whenever James got to thinking about _him_…it never ended well for anyone. It was best to not mention him and to keep James distracted.

"God, I hate him _so _much Logan," he whispered furiously.

"I know, buddy," Logan said quietly. He clapped James on the shoulder comfortingly. "Let's play some dome hockey. I'll get Carlos and Kendall." With another clap on the shoulder, Logan tossed his book aside and went to get the other two guys. James, alone on the couch, tried hard to concentrate on other things. He took a few deep breaths and, by the time Logan had come back with Carlos and Kendall, was mainly his smiling self again.

But now he knew he had done _everything _all wrong. And that was going to stick with him.

**Hmm, who's him? Pfft, I'm not that mysterious of a writer, I'm sure it's pretty obvious. Be sure to review! **


	5. Chapter 5

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Big Time Rush or any of its characters.**

"Hey, pass me those sunglasses."

"Here…"

"No, the ones on Logan's shelf."

"Why? Those are Logan's."

"I like his better than mine."

"Dude!"

"His are purple!"

"I don't care, we can trade."

"Thanks Logan!"

The room was noisy, and not just with Logan, Kendall, and Carlos's conversation about eyewear. Several wardrobe people were walking around, pulling racks of clothing and taking pictures of the boys as they changed into their various outfits. It was Tuesday afternoon, and time for one of the final wardrobe fittings for the concert this Saturday.

"Something's not right…" Kendall commented as a wardrobe girl fixed his collar. He glanced over to another corner of the room, where one member of the band was being strangely silent. "Yo, Diamond!" he called out, and James looked up from tying his red high tops. "You haven't complained about one single thing today."

"Thank God…" Kendall heard the wardrobe girl murmur and he smiled.

"Yeah, why are you being so quiet?" Carlos questioned as he struck a pose for another wardrobe lady with a camera.

James just shrugged and looked like maybe he would say something, but then they were all huddled together for their group shot (their outfits had to look good individually _and _together) and then thrown more stacks of clothing to put on. The wardrobe girls left the small dressing room to let the boys change in peace.

"So, anyway…" Kendall continued, hanging his clothes on the rack with his name and facing James. "I think something's up with you. Are you gonna talk or are we gonna force it out of you?"

Another shrug from James. "I don't really feel like talking," he muttered angrily, smashing his baseball cap with the bejeweled 'J' on it onto the end of his rack.

"Maybe we should leave him alone," Logan suggested to Kendall quietly before the blond got a chance to respond to that. Kendall looked at Logan who gave Kendall a knowing glance.

_Something's up, _Kendall realized as he glanced between James, who was undoing the Velcro on his shirt (all of their clothes had Velcro rather than any buttons or zippers to help them with quick changes), to Logan, who just looked like he was bursting with something important but couldn't say anything at that moment.

"Tell me later," Kendall murmured very quietly to Logan, hoping that James wouldn't hear him. Luckily, he didn't, and they managed to finish their last outfit check in a decent amount of time. They changed back into their workout clothes and went to get ready for yet another rehearsal.

"DOGS!" All four guys winced as they heard the loud voice of Gustavo. They looked up to. "For some reason, the pyro technicians have decided to be _COMPLETE IMBECILES_," he shouted, directing the insult at the two muscely, yet sheepish looking men standing by him. "…we have to delay the rehearsal for a couple of hours."

"Can't we rehearse without the pyro technics?" Logan asked, and Kendall elbowed him, hard, in the side. "I mean, thanks for giving us the unexpected break, Gustavo!" The four guys all grinned hugely at their producer, who just rolled his eyes.

"Out, dogs!" he shooed. "Take a lunch break!" He pointed out the door, and the BTR boys didn't need any more of an invitation to leave. They all broke out running, fighting each other to be first out the door.

"Ahh, sweet freedom!" Carlos exclaimed as they burst out into the green room containing the ultimate craft services table. Strapping on his helmet, Carlos practically tackled the pyramid of corn dogs that had been set up especially for him. "Oh, they're still hot!" he moaned in delight, stuffing two in his mouth at once.

His friends rolled their eyes as they grabbed plates to eat in a more civilized manner. Kendall grabbed a couple of mini sandwiches while Logan loaded up on raw veggies. Out of the corner of his eye, Kendall observed James, acting so unusually quiet as he made his own plate for lunch. Not able to take it anymore, Kendall set down his plate, grabbed Logan by the collar, and pulled him out of the green room.

"Ouch!" Logan objected. "Kendall!"

"What's up with him?" Kendall asked anxiously. "He's being so weird. I'm worried."

Logan started to answer, but the door to the green room opened and closed again, Carlos joining them in the hall. He had a third corn dog in his hand, but he wore a more serious look than they usually saw. "Are we talking about James?" he asked the other two, who nodded. "What's going on with him? He's just sitting in there, all quiet."

"Okay, basically, here's what happened," Logan began to explain. "He comes in the apartment last night, wanting to know what narcissist means, and—"

"Uh…" Carlos sheepishly raised his hand as if he was in school. "What _does _narcissist mean?"

"Someone who loves themselves more than anyone else," Logan quickly rattled off. "Someone who puts themselves before everyone else. I think someone called him that."

"What? Why?" Kendall was flabbergasted. "I mean…well, I guess I can understand how someone who doesn't know James like we do might think that. But even to outsiders…I guess he could be seen as a narcissist but he's a…a _loveable _narcissist."

"Yeah, well, try explaining that to him." Logan shrugged. "You know James. The world is black and white. There is no in-between. You're either all good or all bad."

"James is a good guy, though," Carlos reasoned. "And he knows that."

"When I told him what it meant, he was reminded of his father."

Kendall and Carlos both exchanged a horrified glance and then looked back at Logan. "Man…" Kendall murmured. "No wonder he's acting weird." No one _ever _talked about James's father. Especially not to James.

"Let's just go back in," Logan suggested. "You know he knows we're talking about him. Let's just get his mind off things."

"Yeah," Carlos agreed. "I miss fun Jamie. He's no fun when he's all quiet and angsty." Logan smiled at Carlos's word choice and the three best friends went back in to join James.

~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR

By the time they were in the limo ride on the way back to the Palm Woods, James was laughing and talking with his friends like it was any other day. The other three were relieved and glad that they had successfully gotten their friend back.

Unfortunately it was only a temporary fix.

"Hey, so Stephanie just texted me," Carlos was saying, scrolling on his phone to read the message. "And she and Ari both have final round auditions on Thursday!"

Logan and Kendall both cheered, whereas James's smile froze on his face. He bit his lip and scratched his ear in an attempt to appear nonchalant.

"What?" Logan asked James, reaching across the limo and lightly hitting him on the knee. "You don't seem happy."

"Oh, nothing." Logan was too smart for him though.

"It was Ari, wasn't it?" Logan realized, looking over at Kendall and Carlos and then back to James. "She's the one who called you a narcissist, isn't she?" When James didn't answer, Logan just shook his head. "She just doesn't get you, man, you can't let it get to you."

"No, it was the _way _she said it," James exclaimed, finally letting loose his frustration over the whole situation. "She sounded so…so _disappointed _if that makes any sense. 'You've really become—" James suddenly broke off and realization flew across his face.

"What?" Carlos asked, pressing for James to finish.

"She said I've…I've really _become _such a narcissist." James looked pointedly at his friends. "Become."

Kendall looked extremely confused. "Wait…that sounds like…"

"She knew me at a time when I _wasn't _a narcissist?" James finished. "But I…I swear I've never met her before…"

"She _is _from Minnesota," Logan said. "But I can't say I really remember her either."

"I would have remembered a girl like her," Carlos agreed, sounding very sure.

James wasn't feeling as sure as the others seemed to be. The minute the limo stopped in front of the Palm Woods, he was out like a shot. He was already halfway through the lobby before the other guys even had the chance to get out.

He took the stairs since he didn't want to wait for the elevator, and burst into the apartment, nearly giving Katie a heart attack as she was on her way out the door.

"James!" she screamed, jumping back and clutching her chest dramatically. "Geez, what are you trying to do, kill me?" He just ran back to his room, and she shook her head, frustrated. She turned back to go through the door again, and was nearly run over by the other three. "Oh my God!" she shrieked. "Stop it!"

"Where's James?" Kendall asked.

"In his_ room_! Now can I leave, or are more people about to come running through the door?" The guys ignored her, and hurried to James' and Carlos's room.

They found him there, pouring over an old yearbook. "I knew it…" he was murmuring. "She looked so familiar but I couldn't place it."

"What?" Logan asked, and James just held out the yearbook wordlessly, pointing to a picture.

It was from the guys seventh grade year. And right next to James Diamond's picture was none other than a girl named Arianna De Armond. "No _way_!" Kendall shouted, grabbing the yearbook and holding it even closer to his face. "That's totally her!"

"It _is_!" Carlos agreed, sounding just as shocked. "But…how?"

"She was in my homeroom!" James grumbled, frustratingly rubbing his hands over his face. "I remember her now—she sat behind me and barely said two words to the class the entire year, but she and I would talk sometimes. She moved away halfway through the year. How did I not recognize her?"

"Maybe because now she doesn't have these glasses and braces?" Logan suggested, pointing at the picture.

"I've got to talk to her," James said, simply, staring at the wall. He got up and walked out of the room.

"James!" Kendall exclaimed, following him. "James, why do you need to talk to her so badly?"

"I've got to apologize for not recognizing her," James explained. He shuffled his feet sheepishly. "Back in seventh grade…I kind of had a crush on her. I feel so bad that I didn't remember her…" He shook his head and scoffed under his breath. "I tried to forget as much of that year as I could."

"You had a crush on her?" Logan asked. "But…you never dated her. And you're not the type to let a crush just sit there and not ask her out…"

"Yeah, well, I didn't become a complete jerk until the _next _year, remember?" James spat at his smaller friend, who shrank away slightly at the snap in James's voice. James felt a little bad, but just threw himself down swirly slide and hurried out of the apartment. He had to find Ari and apologize.

**Yeah I realize it's a little bit of a questionable situation, James not remembering Ari at all. But she looks REALLY different, and you'll get a bit more understanding of that in the next chapter.**

**I heard James Maslow in an interview describe his character of James Diamond as a "loveable narcissist" so of course I had to use that term. It was adorable!**

**Review if you want! I appreciate it!**


	6. Chapter 6

**So I've started my first semester of college. Which is awesome. College is cool, kids, go to it. But I have less time to write. Here's the next chapter though. I don't know when I'll be updating again, but I should have something up in September…I hope I'll have something up within the next week, but knowing me that might not happen. So sorry, I really do try! Like today, I sat down to write and my roommate was like "let's go get grilled cheese at the student center!" and…I really like grilled cheese. Oh well. Enjoy THIS chapter for now.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Big Time Rush or any of its characters.**

His fist was poised to knock on the door. He wanted to knock on the door. Why wasn't he knocking on the door?

James stood in the hallway, just with his fist frozen in front of Ari's apartment door. He had jogged down the hall to her door and now was stuck. The other three guys just stood at a distance, silently watching him, unsure of what exactly was going through their best friend's head.

_What do I even say to her? _James worried. _Hey, sorry I didn't remember you? Now that you don't look like such a dork it was hard to tell? _James shook his head and went to knock, hoping to just wing it.

The door flew open and James stopped short as his fist nearly collided with Ari's pretty face. Her bright blue eyes widened as she saw James standing there, looking like he was about to punch her (albeit in a very strange way).

"What the heck?" she blurted out, ducking around James as he hastily pulled his fist down. "James! Why are you _always here_?"

"Ari, I'm sorry!" he exclaimed, turning to face her. "I'm really sorry."

"Yeah, you nearly just punched me in the face—I hope you're sorry!"

"No! I mean…I'm sorry that I didn't remember that you're Arianna De Armond from seventh grade." James bit his lip as Ari's face noticeably paled. She cleared her throat and folded her arms.

"Well it took you long enough," was all she said. She looked over at the other three guys, who were being strangely quiet. "You guys too. I knew _all _of you, you know."

All four boys looked at each other. "What?" Kendall finally asked. "You were in James's homeroom, right?"

"Yeah," Ari agreed. "And I was in your math class Kendall, and I had science with Logan and Carlos."

The three of them looked horrified. "Wow, I never even _noticed _you!" Carlos spurted out, causing Logan to punch him, hard, on the shoulder.

"I know," Ari snapped, sounding more hurt than angry. Carlos looked so guilty that her gaze softened and she unfolded her arms. "Don't feel bad. No one noticed me…I didn't really give anyone any reason to."

"I noticed you," James insisted, reaching for Ari instinctively. She jerked her hand away as James touched it.

"Oh you did?" she shot at him. "Clearly I didn't make big enough of an impression on you. You know what? I'm not even convinced you're the same guy, James. You were different."

"I know," James nodded sadly, scratching his head and looking at the floor forlornly. "I admit it. I was different."

Ari nodded. "Well then," she said. "I have nothing else to say." She went to walk off down the hall.

"Wait!" James called after her. Surprisingly, she stopped, and after only a moment's hesitation, turned. "Walk with me?" James asked, fully expecting a no.

There was a moment of silence where Ari seemed to be weighing all of the options. "Fine," she finally spat out. "I don't want to, but I suppose I should give you the chance." James grinned and they walked off down the hall.

"Hey, wait…!" Logan called after them, taking a few hesitant steps. "Oh, forget it…"

"We're bad people," Carlos whimpered guiltily.

"Yeah," Kendall agreed. "What can we do to make it up to her?"

"I think James is planning on taking care of that," Logan reminded them, gesturing to the elevator where James and Ari had just disappeared into.

~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR

Ari blew a strand of her pale blonde hair out of her face and avoided even looking at the boy walking by her side. They were two blocks away from the Palm Woods, walking down the sidewalk, and he still hadn't said a thing. Was he trying to get her to say something first? Well she wasn't going to!

_I have nothing to say to him_, she assured herself. He's _the one who wanted to talk to _me.

But the silence was getting to her. Finally, she couldn't help it, and she looked over at him. He seemed to sense her eyes on him and looked at her the same moment. When her icy blue eyes locked onto his sharp hazel ones, she felt her resolve to not speak soften and disappear.

"James, what do you want?" she asked him. "I was fine with you not remembering me. Really, I was. That's why I never said anything." She scuffed her converse on the sidewalk as they strolled along. "When I found out that you guys were living at this place…well, of course I remembered you guys. You're like heroes back in Minnesota. I was always so happy for you guys being so successful and everything. I never thought that you'd do something like this, but I didn't really know you _that _well, I guess…" She trailed off as she realized she had gotten off track. "Anyway, I found out you were living here—from Camille, when I met her—and all I could think of was how I hoped you _wouldn't _recognize me."

"Why?" James asked, looking quizzical.

"Because that would mean I hadn't changed nearly enough," Ari responded, tucking her hair behind one ear. "I _hated _who I was in middle school, James. I was this dorky, shy, quiet little thing on the outside when on the inside I wanted to be so loud it was like torture. I _knew _what I wanted, I wanted to perform, but I _couldn't_. For some reason, I just couldn't raise my voice."

"Yeah," James murmured. "I would notice that whenever you'd start talking to me you'd get a little more enthusiastic, but as soon as anyone else was involved, you'd just shut up."

"I…I just wasn't _comfortable_ with people I didn't know," Ari admitted. "And…it was so crazy to me that you liked talking to me. James, you and the guys, you were _so _popular. The hockey stars of the school, and _you _chose _me _to talk to. And you were so sweet. People still called you Jamie, instead of James. What happened? What made you this…overconfident jerk?"

"Hey," James said, sounding insulted, and stopped, pulling Ari under an awning of a storefront. "You know what? I'm not a jerk. Maybe I'm overconfident. Maybe I'm a…narcissist. But I'm _not _a jerk. I'm _not _a bad guy."

"All I've heard about you is that you're a player who only cares about himself."

"But have you taken the time to listen to me?" James demanded. "No. You haven't. You've blown me off every time."

"I don't need anyone _like _you in my life, James," Ari informed him.

"You don't know anything _about _me!" James exclaimed.

People were beginning to glance at the two fighting teens, but Ari and James ignored the strange looks they were getting. "I did!" Ari insisted. "Maybe not as well as I could have, I'll give you that. But in seventh grade, you were a sweet little kid who was considerate and cared about his friends more than himself. You didn't have any of this…what is it? 'Lucky Comb' shit. You wanted to be a hockey player with Kendall, not a model or a pop star. You always _listened _to me. You let me talk to you, and you cared enough to listen to me when no one else did! Now it seems like all you want to do is hear _yourself _talk!" Ari shook her head sadly. "I hate that you've changed."

"You don't know _why _I changed!" James ran his hand through his hair, frustrated, walking a few steps in the opposite direction before turning back to face Ari again. "I had so much shit happen to me. After you moved. I had shit happening to me _while you were there._ And you know what? I didn't tell anyone. Even the boys didn't know about it until it was over and done. And I don't like to talk about it, but if it will convince you that I am a _good guy_, then I will relive the entire thing."

Ari looked so shaken at James's tirade, but she stood her ground. She folded her arms and sat on the bench in front of the shop. "Go ahead," she told him, nodding to the seat next to her.

James took a deep, shaky breath and slowly lowered himself into the seat next to her. "Well…this is what it was like for me…"

**BOOM! Next chapter will be James in seventh grade. SUCH EXCITEMENT! STAY TUNED!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Wow, I'm sorry this has taken so long. I've started at college and wow I'm busy. Also, this chapter was very hard, so I kind of procrastinated on writing it. Anyway, I apologize dearly. I hope you'll forgive me and read on!**

**This chapter takes place in Minnesota…in the boys' past.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Big Time Rush or any of its characters.**

**WARNING: This chapter contains strong language.**

"Jamie, Kendall's mom is here!" Jamie shoved his notebook into his backpack and hopped towards the door on one foot while putting on his left shoe

"Coming Mom!" he yelled down the stairs as he finally forced the shoe onto his foot and raced down the stairs, while putting his backpack over both shoulders. His mom was outside at the window of Mrs. Knight's minivan, having a chat with her friend. Jamie grinned as he saw Kendall waving enthusiastically from the front seat. The side door slid open and Carlos and Logan gestured to him eagerly from the back.

Jamie blew past his mother heading for his friends. "Oh!" his mother cried. "Jamie, come here, at least give me a kiss goodbye, alright?" Jamie rolled his eyes, but went back to give his mom a peck on the cheek.

"Oh so he's still a mama's boy, huh?" Jamie flinched as he heard the smooth voice coming from the front door. He could feel his mother's stance change as well, as she straightened up and turned to face her husband.

"He's giving me a kiss goodbye, Roger," she hissed, obviously embarrassed that the man was picking a fight in front of Jamie, his friends, _and _Jennifer.

"He's a fucking mama's boy, that's what he is." Roger bit his cheek and shook his head, a sly smile coming over his chiseled good features. "His first day of seventh grade and you're sending him off with a kiss from mommy." Roger shook his head again, looking disgusted. "Fucking mama's boy…"

"Roger!" Brooke Diamond exclaimed, casting a fearful glance at the minivan. "Jen, I'm sorry. You're taking the boys to hockey practice today, right?"

Jennifer Knight nodded, glancing at her own son in the front seat who had gotten extremely quiet, along with the other two in the backseat. She knew they were all afraid of Mr. Diamond. "Brooke, you know if you need anything…" She trailed off and just shrugged hopelessly, knowing what would come next.

"I'll handle him, it's fine," Brooke told her, smiling forcefully. "Bye Jamie," she bid to her son, blowing him another kiss. Jamie hesitated a moment before getting in the car, squeezing in next to Carlos. Logan and he were both looking concerned at their best friend, and Kendall had twisted around in the front seat to glance at Jamie.

"You alright, Jamie?" Kendall asked, and Jamie just nodded, setting his backpack by his feet and putting on his seatbelt. Kendall accepted that and turned back round to face the front as his mom pulled out of the Diamond's driveway. Jamie stared out the window as he saw his parents begin yelling at each other on the doorstep of their home.

BTR~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~~BTR

A couple of weeks into the first semester of seventh grade, and Jamie was feeling more lost than he ever had. Not just in his classes. His parents fighting had escalated to epic proportions. There seemed to never be a quiet evening in his house anymore. There was always screaming, his father cursing and calling Jamie's mother names. Jamie's name always seemed to come up. He was a "pussy," a "mama's boy," he was "never going to be a real man."

One morning, Jamie had just stumbled into homeroom, exhausted, having been up most of the night. That was due both to the amazing amounts of homework he had to struggle through every night, and to his parents having spent most of the night shouting in their bedroom. He tripped over his own feet as he walked down the aisle to his seat near the back of the room, causing a few of the people around him to laugh. His face flushed a bright red as he sank down into his chair, staring down at the floor.

"Are you alright, Jamie?" The voice that had spoken up had been so small and quiet that Jamie almost didn't hear it. He turned, and saw that the girl behind him had been the one to speak—she was staring at him with ice-blue eyes looking through thick, black glasses. She smiled slightly, showing shiny braces, and for some reason Jamie couldn't help but smile back.

"Yeah, I'm fine…uh…" For the life of him, he couldn't remember her name. Surely the teacher called it every day in roll, didn't she? Had Jamie even been aware that a girl sat behind him in homeroom?

"My name's Arianna," she said helpfully. "Arianna DeArmond."

"Right, right," Jamie nodded. "And I'm…well, you clearly know my name already."

"Yeah," Arianna smiled. "You're pretty popular, you know. Being on the hockey team and all that."

"Me?" Jamie snorted. "Popular? Please. I'm not even the best guy on the team. I mean, Kendall's the captain, and-."

"I think you're great," Arianna shrugged, smiling down at her desk as she picked up her pencil and started back on the math problems in her notebook. Her eyes flitted back up to Jamie once and she smiled a little wider, shaking curly blonde hair over her shoulder.

Jamie smiled and nodded slowly. "Thanks Arianna," he replied softly, and turned back round to face the front.

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From then on, Arianna and Jamie were friends. Well…almost. They talked in homeroom. And when Jamie passed her in the hallway, he'd smile at her, but his friends would keep on walking and he wouldn't get the chance to stop and talk to her. But he wanted to. She was really quiet in class, but when she was talking to him, she was really funny and sweet. She was someone he wasn't afraid to be himself around. She was terrific.

By December, Jamie was so smitten with her that he could hardly stand it. There was a winter dance coming up, during the last week of school before the break, and he had been planning to ask her to go with him for weeks now. He could never seem to find the right moment. One cold morning, he stopped outside the door of homeroom, gathering his courage. He'd do it. Right now, he'd just ask her. The worst thing she could do was say no.

"Hey, Arianna, I wanted to ask you something, " he said as he sat down, setting his backpack beside his desk. He flipped around in his seat, but was stopped in his tracks at the look on Arianna's face. "Wh-what's wrong?" he asked shakily, seeing her biting her lip and not looking Jamie in the eye.

"I'm moving." The words hit Jamie like a ton of bricks. He blinked in surprise and recoiled.

"You're…wait, you're what?" Jamie couldn't believe this. "You're…you're _moving_? But why?"

"My mom got a new job, and we have to move two hours away to some huge city," Arianna explained, sounding so sad that it made Jamie's heart break. He couldn't think of anything to say. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't figure out what to do now. "Jamie?" Arianna asked, looking at him closely. "Come on, say something."

"I mean…I…" Jamie stammered. "That…that sucks."

Arianna stared at him for a moment and then nodded. "Yeah. It does." They just sat there in silence for a minute before Jamie spoke up.

"When?" he asked, finally.

"Over Christmas break," she told him.

_So she could still go to the dance with me!_ Jamie realized. But now…now he couldn't ask her. He was choking on the words and his heart was hammering away in his chest and he couldn't bring himself to say anything.

The teacher started taking roll. "Mr. Diamond, please face forward," she called out to him, as she did almost every day to stop him from talking to Arianna. Jamie slowly turned in his seat and slumped down, wondering how it had all gone so wrong.

After class, he left the classroom like he usually did to get to math with Logan, but then he stopped. He waited for Arianna to come out of the classroom. She came out, tucking a blonde curl behind one ear and with her nose stuck in a book, as always. "Jamie!" she exclaimed when she ran into him as he stepped out in front of her. "Sorry."

"My bad," he apologized, rubbing the back of his neck. "Look, I…I mean…I'm really…you moving, it's…."

Arianna just looked at him. "Jamie, you're stuttering."

Jamie flinched at her words.

"_The boy spends his time stuttering and stammering in the background, Joanna! He'll never be anything if he doesn't learn how to stand up for himself and be a man!"_

"Jamie?" Arianna looked concerned. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine!" he snapped. He hitched his backpack over his shoulder. "Look, I'll see you, okay?"

"Wait!" she called after him as he stalked away. But he turned the corner and was gone. "What did you have to say?" she wondered.

BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~

She moved away. The second semester dragged by, full of sleepless nights of arguing and shouting and screaming.

One summer night, it all went to hell.

"Roger, no!" Jamie startled awake as he heard his mother scream loudly. He bolted out of bed and then stopped at his closed door. "Roger, don't be like this!"

"Maybe if _you_ hadn't let _my _son become such a little fucking _mama's boy_ then we wouldn't be having this fucking fight!" A crash came from the direction of the kitchen. Jamie's eyes widened and he pulled open his door and padded down the hall in his bare feet.

Peeking around the corner, he saw his mom standing by the sink, desperate tears rolling down her cheeks. His father stood at the table, a smashed dinner plate around his feet. "You're letting him grow up to be a failure!"

"Roger, so he's not you! He's not some hotshot narcissist. He's my boy—_our_ boy—and I love him for who he is!"

They were fighting about him again. Jamie felt the weight of the world on his back every time this happened. He was always the reason they were screaming. Always.

"Maybe if he was, I wouldn't have to find something else!" Roger spat at his wife, who paled instantly.

"What are you talking about?" she asked him, her voice shaking.

"I'm leaving," he said simply. "I've been seeing another woman, and I'm leaving you for her."

Joanna raised a shaking hand to her mouth.

"What the hell?" Jamie burst out, and slapped a hand over his mouth as Roger looked over at him. Jamie took a deep breath and stepped out from around the corner.

"Go back to bed, Jamie, sweetie," Joanna insisted, shooing Jamie towards the doorway.

"No!" Roger exclaimed, holding up a finger. "What did you just say to me, James?"

Jamie gulped. "I said 'What the hell.' As in…What the hell do you think you're talking about?"

"Listen, James," Roger smirked. "I had so many hopes that you would be this great person…and I have to say I'm disappointed. You're the most ridiculous little kid I've ever seen. 13 years old and going by 'Jamie,' wearing glasses, basically being a shy little nerd. You could have been so great. Maybe you still could be. But until the day that I finally can be proud of you, I'm out of your life. Sorry kid."

Through Jamie's watery eyes, he could see several empty beer bottles on the table. He tried to tell himself that his dad didn't mean it, his father loved him…

…but that wasn't true and Jamie knew it.

BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~~BTR

_First day of eighth grade_

"Have a good day boys," Mama Knight called after the four best friends as they got out of the car in front of the middle school.

Kendall walked in first, always the leader of their group. He had gotten a couple inches taller over the summer, and grown his hair out. Now he was flipping it out of his green eyes as he pulled open the door and walked in.

Logan was next. He was still short and small-framed, making him look like a delicate little kid—but the hockey stick he was carrying made it clear he belonged with his friends.

Carlos came in third. He was working a new, short, gelled up, spiky hairstyle, and was very proud of the one inch he had grown, making him just _barely _taller than Logan, but he still had his cute chubby Carlos cheeks that made him totally adorable.

James followed them in last. He had spent the summer tanning by the pool, working out, and basically changing himself. He had contacts. His hair was highlighted. He was muscular, he was tall, he was different.

"Hey guys!" one girl that they knew called out to them.

"Hey," Kendall, Logan, and Carlos called back.

"Well, hello there," James said smoothly, snatching his sunglasses off his face and giving the girl a smoldering look. "How was your summer? …Hot?"

The girl looked awestruck. "Jamie? Is that you?"

"Actually I go by James now," he informed her. "I did a little growing up over the summer." As an afterthought, he looked at his friends. "I think we all did."

"Well…maybe I'll meet up with you sometime…James." With a flirtatious smile and wave, the girl turned and walked down the hall with her giggling friends.

James smirked and walked off with his friends, who were confused, but ready to accept their friend coming out of his shell. They just didn't know what had brought it on, especially since it had happened so soon after his parents' divorce. Most kids would have become more shy and insecure when their parents split. But James had blossomed into a confident—if not _overly-_confident—guy who was ready to become everything he could be.

_I'll make him proud,_ was Jamie's voice in his head. _I'll do whatever it takes. I have to make him proud._

**Again, thanks for the patience with this story. I'm VERY busy. I love every single one of you for reading and I absolutely love getting comments, so click below and leave one :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**So, yeah, I made a mistake last chapter, accidently called Brooke Joanna one time. Sorry 'bout that. Think I made a similar mistake in a way earlier chapter too, calling Stephanie Camille. Whatevs. **

**So, in this chapter, could y'all do me a favor? I know that the song **_**Paralyzed **_** has already been written and performed on the TV show, but just for the sake of this story (it is called **_**Paralyzed**_**, you had to see this coming), could we possibly pretend that episode never happened? So, in this story, that song does not yet exist. Kay? Great! Thanks!**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Big Time Rush or any of its characters**

**WARNING: Strong language in this chapter.**

"The boys found out about how…awful things were with my dad just a little while later…somewhere around the start of freshman year, I broke down and told them," James explained, biting his lip as he rested his upper arms on his knees and clasped his hands together, leaned forward just slightly. He sat next to Ari still on the bench. "They made me realize that no matter what I did, that my dad wasn't going to change and suddenly love me and my mom. But…you know what?"

James looked up at Ari, who's pale eyes were looking so sad and sympathetic to him as she stared back at him. He smiled slightly at her and shrugged. "I can't help but admit this—I liked being confident. I still do. I'm almost glad that my dad screwed me up the way he did. If he hadn't, I don't think I ever would have realized how much I wanted to be a performer. I'm not in this for him. All right, I'll be lying if I said it had never crossed my mind that he'd be proud of my success and come back, but I don't want him to come back anymore. No, if he came back…I think I'd punch the rat bastard right in the face." James shook his head and looked down at the ground again for a moment and then back up.

"So, I'm sorry if you don't like the person I became, Ari," he said to her sadly. "But the truth is…I like him. And I like you. I always have. I've tried so hard to block most of my life before my dad leaving out. But every now and then, you'd pop up in my head, and I can't help but think…what if?"

He shook his head. "You gave me your number…I never called you. And I can't tell you how much I've always regretted that. If there was one thing I could take back, it would be never telling you how I felt." Staring at the ground again, he nodded and sighed. "But I can't take anything back…and you're here now…I can't help but think someone's trying to give me a second chance."

A cold touch to his arm sent a shiver through James. He glanced at Ari's small, pale hand as it slid down his arm to his hand, tentatively going to hold it.

And then she pulled it away. James felt his brow go quizzical as Ari slid away from him on the bench. She looked so intensely troubled. "I…" she started to say, but her voice caught in her throat. "I'm sorry, James," she choked out, before she got off the bench and took off down the street, running back to the Palm Woods.

James half-stood, ready to follow after her, but felt himself practically…paralyzed. He _had _to follow her…but he couldn't. He wanted _so much_ to follow her, but something in him was forcing him to stay in that place and hopelessly watch her run away…to watch her slip away just like she had back in middle school. Something about her just made him revert back to his younger self…he felt little Jamie bubbling up inside him, clamping his mouth shut, shifting his eyes to the ground, locking his legs in place…

Gulping down a deep breath, James shoved Jamie back inside of him and took a few half-hearted jogging steps after Ari, but stopped.

She was already gone.

~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR

Kendall drummed his fingers on the counter, trying to fill some of the silence that had struck the boys. Logan was seated on the sectional, a thick book open on his lap, but never turning the pages. Carlos leaned on the dome hockey table, absent-mindedly turning one of the sticks over and over, making the little hockey players do slow motion backflips.

With a sigh, Logan snapped the book shut, drawing both Kendall and Carlos's eyes. "We're not bad people," Logan finally said, gesturing to himself and the other two. "We're not shallow."

"Then explain how we never knew the girl existed, Logan," Kendall mumbled, looking back at the counter top, resting his cheek on his hand, elbow on the counter.

"All right," Logan accepted, standing and beginning to pace thoughtfully in the living room. "Did we know every single person at our junior high? Hmm?" He looked pointedly at both Carlos and Kendall.

Kendall rolled his eyes. "No," he admitted.

"And did Ari ever make an attempt to speak to us?"

"I don't think so, but…" Carlos didn't try to finish his sentence but just shrugged.

Logan shrugged as well. "We have no reason to feel bad. Ari never even introduced herself to us in middle school. It was _years _ago. How are we supposed to remember the face of every girl we've ever met?"

"Look, if you want to explain it away, fine," Kendall snapped at Logan. "I'm still gonna feel bad, alright?"

Logan sighed and flopped back down on the couch, one leg up on the back of it, the other stretched out, and his arms over his eyes. "I am too," he admitted.

"Me three," Carlos agreed glumly. "We're not supposed to be the bad guys. We're the…I don't know, sweet, adorable ones."

"I can't believe James never told us about her back then, though," Kendall commented, sitting up and turning in his seat to look at the other two. "Usually he would always tell us about a girl he liked. And then he'd date her and then they'd break up."

"Seventh grade, Kendall," Logan pointed out, not even moving. "Before James's dad left."

"Right," Kendall nodded. "I guess that makes sense." He sat for a moment, thinking. "I wonder if Ari knew about James's dad."

"No way," Carlos scoffed. "He didn't even tell us 'til ninth grade. There's no way she'd know."

"You're right," Kendall agreed. The guys fell into silence again, Kendall staring around the room. His eyes fell on something on the coffee table.

"Is that James's notebook?" he asked, pointing towards it. Logan raised his head to look, and nodded. "The one he's been scribbling in secretively for weeks now?" Carlos looked as well and nodded.

All three boys exchanged a glance, and then all dove for it at once. Kendall ended up with it in his hands, the other two guys on either side of him. They looked at each other anxiously. "Should we really read it?" Logan asked tentatively. "What if it's…personal stuff?"

"He shouldn't leave it lying out here on the table then!" Carlos justified. "Come on, Kendall, open it!"

Kendall looked from Carlos to Logan and then shrugged, flipping the notebook open.

The guys flipped through pages and pages of half-written songs, lines that were crossed out, random doodles in the margins, lyrics that trailed off into other random things.

_I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know how to say, I can't even express why I feel this way, but baby I'm stuck…well, fuck, I'm writing Stuck. Dammit James._

_Please just read my mind…nope, too close still._

_I wanna just shout to the world, they'll see you're my girl…DAMMIT JAMES!_

"He's trying to write a song," Logan observed, looking at the other guys. "_That's_ what he's been so secretive about? We could have helped him!"

"Yeah, we write songs together all the time!" Carlos commented. "Ever since _Oh Yeah _became so popular, Gustavo's really been cool about us writing! We've got so much songwriting credit on the next album…but why wouldn't James ask for us to write with him, if he had a song he couldn't write?"

"Because it wouldn't be mine." All the guys jumped a few feet in the air as they heard James's voice behind them. He was standing by the counter, leaning against it, looking at them. They obviously hadn't heard him come in, too engrossed in the songbook.

"James," Kendall began, going to close the notebook. James waved his hand at Kendall, shaking his head and smiling slightly.

"No, you can read it. It's fine, I mean…none of its ever worked out anyway."

"Why do you want to write a song by yourself?" Logan asked. "We'd be happy to help you with the lyrics. We'd give you solo credit if that's what you want."

"We're friends. We help each other," Carlos added.

James shook his head. "The credit's not the point; I'd know I hadn't come up with the song by myself. This song…it's just…I don't even know, I just want something that _I've _made, all by myself. I mean…no one helped you with _Time of Our Life_, Logan." Logan looked sheepishly at the others. "And Carlos, _Invisible _was all you. Kendall, you've got _Cover Girl_ and _You're Not Alone_. I'm…nothing."

"That's not true," Kendall objected.

"I just want something that's just me for once!" James exclaimed. "Something that's really, really me! Not this…this _thing _my dad made me become! I don't care if I'm better now, sometimes I don't really say what I'm feeling because I have to be so confident, so cool! I'm afraid to let my guard down guys!" James took a deep breath to steady himself. "I thought that maybe I could write a song to really be about me, but…no…I can't even do that. I can't write a song."

Kendall got up and wrapped an arm around James's shoulders. "Hey, you can do anything, Jamie," he said. "You're our Jamie. We know that."

James smiled slightly, not even saying anything about the use of his old nickname. "Thanks…" he muttered. He sighed, sitting down on the couch. Kendall sat as well, handing the notebook to James.

"So…how'd things go with Ari?" Logan asked.

"Oh God…" James chuckled, not sounding amused at all. "I mean…I explained everything to her. About seventh grade…even about my dad."

"You told her about all of that?" Carlos asked, James nodded.

"Yeah," he said. "And then…we were so close…but then she just runs off. And I couldn't follow her. God, every time with her. I let her get away every time because I'm just…I'm just…_paralyzed._ I don't know what to say to her, and she's the only girl I've ever _really _wanted to say something to, you know?"

The other guys mumbled in agreement, while James suddenly looked up, struck with something. "Paralyzed…" he murmured to himself. Kendall looked at him.

"What?" Kendall asked, puzzled.

"I think I've got something…" James whispered. He looked at his friends and grinned. "Hey, I think I've got something!"

He flipped the notebook to a blank page, and wrote in all capital letters at the top of the page, the other three curiously looking over his shoulder to see.

_PARALYZED_


	9. Chapter 9

**So I've been in a couple of shows recently, been busy. ABSOLUTELY AWESOME FUNNY THING THOUGH—I was in a short show called **_**Wedding Duet, **_**a two person skit. The characters' names in the script were just "bride" and "groom", and our director wanted us to come up with real names. The groom (a good friend of mine) decided he wanted to be named James. When he said that, I just looked at him and was like, "Then my name is going to be Arianna."**

**We were James and Arianna. It was awesome.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Big Time Rush or any of its characters.**

"There they are!"

"Oh no…" Kendall groaned as he stepped out of the BTR mobile driver's seat and saw the horde of cameras running towards them. "Look out guys," he called back to the other three guys, getting out of the car as well.

Camera flashes lit up their tired faces as reporters fired off questions. "Are you prepared for your show tonight? Care to tell us anything about the concert? Are you boys single right now? When's your next album coming out?"

"Come on, guys, it's nine in the morning," Logan complained softly. Freight Train showed up conveniently, stepping between the band and the paps. "Thanks big guy," Logan said gratefully as he took a sip of the coffee in his thermos.

With their gigantic bodyguard holding off the paparazzi, the boys made their way inside the building. "Why are they here so _early_?" Carlos whined, holding on to the sides of his helmet, tugging it securely onto his head.

"It's not even that early, Carlos," James commented, smiling slightly at his overly-tired friend. "You're only so tired because you stayed up until four playing Call of Duty when you should have been asleep."

"I wasn't tired," Carlos whimpered, holding out his hand for the coffee that one of Gustavo's assistants was handing him. "I'm never tired the night before a concert. I'm too nervous."

"Yeah, well…you better perk up, boy," Kendall joked, clapping Carlos on the shoulder. Carlos gave a weak smile and sipped the hot coffee, burning his tongue and yelping in surprise.

"DOGS!" All four boys flinched as they heard Gustavo coming before they saw him. Surprisingly, he seemed happy for early on Saturday morning. "I've got some _excellent _news I'm sure you're just dying to hear!"

"What's up, Gustavo?" Kendall asked, barely even looking up from his cell phone.

"Is it important?" Logan asked, bouncing from one foot to the other ever so slightly. "I've really got to…um…"

"Logan's gotta pee," James translated humorlessly. "He's on his second thermos of coffee."

"Oh, so you dogs _don't _want to see the headshots of the girls picked to be the dancers in your music video?" All four guys heads popped up, staring at the paper in Gustavo's hand that he waved tauntingly.

Carlos, suddenly not so tired, bounded for them. "Give 'em here, Gustavo!" he exclaimed, grabbing the pictures from Gustavo's hand. Carlos furiously looked through each one and came up looking very disappointed. "Stephanie's not in here."

"Aw," Kendall said. "That's too bad. Who is, though?" Kendall took the photos and looked at them as well. His face froze slightly and he ever-so-subtly glanced over at James.

"Ari got it?" James realized, reaching out a hand. Kendall handed him the picture on top and James found himself looking at the beautiful (too beautiful—headshot airbrushing) Arianna DeArmond. James felt himself smiling. "That's so great!"

Gustavo told the boys to head to their dressing room, so the four guys started back down the hall again. "How are things going with you guys?" Logan asked, looking at the remaining three headshots over Kendall's shoulder.

James bit his lip. "They really aren't going…" he admitted, glancing back at the photo. "Every time I see her…I end up hiding. I…well, I can't help but feel she still hates me."

"Wow," Carlos chuckled as they opened the door to the dressing room and started setting their stuff down. Logan quickly ducked into the bathroom. "James has girl trouble. That never happens. Usually _girls _have _James _trouble." Kendall snickered at that, and even James cracked a good-natured smile.

"Remember the plan though," Logan reminded James as he came back into the room. "I made sure Camille got the ticket and backstage pass to her—if she comes, are you gonna go through with it?"

"Of course," James said, sitting nervously on the couch. "We stayed up all night with Lucy working on the music…Doug put together a last-minute string of special effects—I have to go through with it."

"Do you think Gustavo will be mad?" Carlos wondered out loud.

"Oh hell yeah, he's gonna be royally pissed," Kendall answered instantly. "We're going to be so dead." All four guys considered this and laughed it off. "But you know the audience will love it."

"Yeah, the audience, including Ari," Logan added, with a smile to the still-nervous-looking James.

"Hopefully," was all James could say.

~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR

"Camille, why am I even here?" Ari asked as she flashed her backstage pass to a security guard, along with the other three girls. "Are you sure James wanted _me _to be his guest?"

Camille gave Ari a withering glance. "Ari, are you joking? Of course he did. James absolutely adores you. I've never seen him act this way over a girl. Ever. He. Likes. You."

"James likes lots of girls," Ari murmured, more to herself than anyone else, but she couldn't help a small smile creeping on her face. It quickly vanished though. "I don't know though. I kind of blew him off after he honestly talked to me for the first time, and every time I've seen him since, he's disappeared. I feel like he's avoiding me." She glanced down at her feet and fiddled with the pass around her neck. "I can't help but feel he hates me."

"Yeeeeah, I'm pretty sure you won't feel that way for long," Lucy informed Ari with a grin.

"What do you mean?" Ari asked quizzically, but Lucy just waved her off, and Stephanie linked arms with Ari and started chatting again about how proud she was of her for getting the part in the video, effectively turning the conversation away from Lucy's mysterious comment.

The four rounded a corner to the green room area and saw Kelly, her clipboard in hand, handing Gustavo his coffee. "Hey girls!" she greeted the four enthusiastically. "I'm sorry, but the guys are actually almost in places; they're doing that weird pre-show quacking ritual they do, so…" Very faintly, they could indeed hear the cry of the "quack, quack, quack," chant that the boys did before every show. "You should probably just head out to your seats and come back after."

"Alright," the girls agreed, and were shown to their seats in the first row by a few nice security officials. After a few minutes of pre-show special effects pumping up the crowd, the backdrop dramatically rose to reveal those four goofy guys they knew and loved.

"_Make it count, play it straight, don't look back, don't hesitate, when you go big time!" _Kendall began the iconic song, all four guys immediately heading straight for the front of the stage.

"_What you want, what you feel, never quit and make it real, when you roll big time!"_ James added, giving a classic flip of his hair and a smoldering smile to the screaming girls in the audience. And despite herself, Ari felt herself melting at this James. He was so…natural up there. Maybe this was the real him. Maybe she had been too hard on him after all. He was so charming and happy up on that stage—even if that wasn't quite the same as the Jamie from middle school.

But she wasn't Arianna from middle school, was she?

And all of the sudden, she realized something. She had changed too. A lot. But one thing really hadn't changed.

She still really, really liked James.

~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR~~~~~~BTR

Jogging backstage after a terrific show, James felt his stomach in knots. He elbowed Carlos, who nudged Logan, who tapped Kendall, who glanced at Doug, the special effects guy. He gave them a nod. Lucy appeared by them, holding the guitar that Kendall had stowed in the dressing room for her.

"I told them I had to pee before your first encore," Lucy said, putting on the guitar strap. "They'll probably think I just had trouble getting back to the seats or something."

Kendall nodded. "Let's get the regular encore done first," he whispered anxiously, noticing Gustavo frantically gesturing for them to get ready for the encore. "And then Lucy will come out, and it's the new song."

The other three guys nodded and they headed out onstage to a crowd chanting and screaming for an encore.

After The City is Ours, the boys took a bow, but didn't leave the stage like they were supposed to. Lucy came out to join them. James took a shaking breath and held his microphone to his lips.

"So, this isn't part of what we've been rehearsing for weeks," he admitted to a screaming audience. "And our producer is probably backstage screaming his head off right now, but this is something me and my best friends have worked really hard on—the first song I ever wrote entirely by myself…well, I had a little help composing the music from Kendall and our friend Lucy, here," he smiled, nudging Lucy good-naturedly.

Then he took another breath and stared right at Ari. He knew exactly where she was—he'd seen her the second the backdrop had risen at the start of the show. "There's this girl…that I'm hopelessly head over heels for, for years. And…I hope this song will finally let her know exactly what she does to me." He glanced at his friends. "My boys are gonna help me out with this, because I'd be nowhere without them."

"But this is all him," Kendall added, giving a huge smile to James.

James smiled back and then looked back to Ari. "This is for you, Ari." Lucy began to play the song and the boys did their thing.

_You, you walked into the room  
On a Friday afternoon  
That's when I saw you for the first time  
And I was paralyzed_

I had a million things to say  
But none of them came out that day  
'Cause I was never one of those guys  
That always had the best lines

Time stops ticking  
My hands keep shaking  
And you don't even know that

I'm trying to speak but girl you got me tongue-tied  
I'm trying to breathe but I'm f-f-f-frozen inside  
I'm trying to move but I'm stuck in my shoes  
You got me paralyzed, paralyzed, p-p-p-paralyzed  
I see you walking, but all you do is pass me by  
Can't even talk, cause words don't fall into my mind  
I'd make a move if I had the guts to  
But I'm paralyzed, paralyzed, p-p-p-paralyzed

Now, I learned a lot from my mistake  
Never let a good thing slip away  
I found a lot of time to look back  
And my only regret is

Not telling you what I was going through  
You didn't even know that

_I'm trying to speak but girl you got me tongue-tied  
I'm trying to breathe but I'm f-f-f-frozen inside  
I'm trying to move but I'm stuck in my shoes  
You got me paralyzed, paralyzed, p-p-p-paralyzed  
I see you walking, but all you do is pass me by  
Can't even talk, cause words don't fall into my mind  
I'd make a move if I had the guts to  
But I'm paralyzed, paralyzed, p-p-p-paralyzed_

As the years go by I think about you all the time  
Woah  
If I get the chance I hope I won't be paralyzed  
Paralyzed by you

You walked into the room  
On a Friday afternoon

I'm trying to speak but girl you got me tongue-tied  
I'm trying to breathe but I'm f-f-f-frozen inside  
I'm trying to move but I'm stuck in my shoes  
You got me paralyzed, paralyzed, p-p-p-paralyzed  
(You got me paralyzed)  
I see you walking, but all you do is pass me by  
Can't even talk, cause words don't fall into my mind  
I'd make a move if I had the guts to  
But I'm paralyzed, paralyzed, p-p-p-paralyzed  
(You got me paralyzed)

Paralyzed, paralyzed  
(You got me tongue tied)  
Paralyzed, paralyzed  
(Now I'm frozen inside)  
Paralyzed, paralyzed  
You got me paralyzed, paralyzed, p-p-p-paralyzed

After the song was over, the crowd was absolutely going nuts. James looked at Ari. There she was, grinning like he'd never seen before. She looked so beautiful that he couldn't even help himself. He went right to her and stuck a hand down to pull her up on the stage. Other fans near her grabbed for it, but she was there faster than anyone else and jumped up on the stage with him. He brushed a bit of blonde hair behind one of her ears and just kissed her.

The audience was going crazy and so were the boys behind him. There was a full-scale riot about to happen in the front row. Stage managers were gesturing for the boys to get offstage and Gustavo was blowing a gasket. But James didn't really care. All he cared was that this girl was finally in his arms.

**This story's almost over! Be sure to check out my profile poll on what story you want to see next! New options are added sometimes, so even if you've voted before, keep checking back!**


	10. Chapter 10

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Big Time Rush or any of its characters.**

"Stop pouting," Ari murmured, poking James in the side jokingly as they walked through the Palm Wood lobby with the other three guys.

"I'm not pouting," James objected, but smiled and put an arm around Ari's shoulders, squeezing her close to him.

"You're just jealous because I get to dance with your girlfriend," Logan proclaimed teasingly. "Should have been just a bit shorter, giraffe man."

After the first day of dance rehearsals for their new music video, Logan had indeed been paired to dance with Ari. James had objected at first, but relented after a few minutes. Ari's petite 5'4" height made her better suited to dance with the smaller Logan, while James danced with a taller girl, helping the guys seem even taller. It was some sort of thing to make the guys look more attractive in the video.

Whatever. James had just wanted to dance with Ari.

Ari smiled up at James. "I'll practice with you if you want, James. We can dance together then." She stood on tiptoe and laid a kiss on his cheek. "I think it's cute that you wanted to dance with me."

"Of course I wanted to dance with you," James replied. "You're the only girl I ever want to dance with." That earned a wide, sparkling grin from Ari and the two moved together to kiss deeply.

"Ah…AHEM," Kendall cleared his throat rather obnoxiously, looking at the two who were coming dangerously close to a make out session as they stood waiting for the elevator to arrive. "Guys? We're still here."

James and Arianna broke apart, grinned at each other, and contented themselves with just holding hands.

"Only you can bring out the cutesy in James, Ari," Carlos commented. "He's never that mushy. Ever."

"I try," Ari said with a smile.

"Carlos!" The group turned to see Stephanie standing across the lobby, by the doors to the pool. She waved enthusiastically and Carlos just as happily waved back. James gave him a nudge.

"Do it now," James told him.

Carlos looked shocked. "Now? Here?"

Ari gave him a confused look. "What?"

"Yes, here!" prompted Logan. "What better place?"

"Umm, anywhere else?" Carlos suggested.

"Do what?" Ari asked again, getting slightly more annoyed.

"She's coming over," James whispered frantically. "Just do it!"

"What if she turns me down?!" Carlos panicked.

It clicked in Ari's head. "She won't. She likes you. She told me," she whispered quickly in Carlos's ear. "Do it."

Kendall finally gave Carlos a subtle nudge forward. Stephanie reached them, smiling and oblivious.

"Hey, so how was—"

"Stephaniewillyougooutwithme?" Carlos said in a mumbled rush that even his closest friends had trouble understanding.

Stephanie looked confused beyond belief. "What?"

Logan nudged Carlos on the shoulder and James demonstrated a deep breath for him. Carlos copied, taking a big breath before starting again, more slowly and a bit more eloquently.

"Stephanie, would you…would you like to go on a date with me this Friday night?" he finally managed.

"Are you serious?" When Carlos nodded, obviously bracing himself for the rejection, she burst into a grin. "Carlos, hell yes!" She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. Carlos's eyes were wide and he smiled in that surprised-boy way he did and hugged her back as enthusiastically.

The elevator dinged, bringing Camille with it. She awwwwwed at the sight of Stephanie and Carlos and slipped under Logan's arm.

"Well, look at that," James observed. "It's a happy ending for everyone."

"Oh yeah, real happy over here," Kendall exclaimed, gesturing to his lack-of-girlfriend.

Camille rolled her eyes. "Jo will be back before you know it."

"Still," James continued, ignoring Kendall's interruption. "It really is a happy ending."

**Yeah, it's one of those disgusting happy endings that is horrible but I HAD TO FINISH THIS DANG STORY OH MY GOSH JAMES FICS ARE HARD. Ugh. But I hope you all have enjoyed this! Remember to vote for the next story, and check out my others!**


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